Warning: this will be necessarily vague, undoubtedly nonsensical, and probably pointless. But they say there are no stupid questions, so I've gotta ask... Why can't making life-changing decisions be as easy as choosing Chris Pine?
I just finished watching This Means War, so you'll forgive me for comparing my own personal and non-romantically-themed two-roads-diverged-in-a-yellow-wood to that of a mediocre chick flick. There's a reason why I wasn't cast to play the female role in this movie and that is that given the choice between Chris Pine and Tom Hardy, I would choose Chris Pine in a heartbeat. The movie would be over in less than a nanosecond, script or not. He's the clear choice, no questions asked, not even a contest. It's not that I don't like Tom Hardy. He's British, easy on the eyes, and has a certain air about him that makes me think we could spend many a happy night together snowed into our cabin in the woods as he sands down his latest rocking chair masterpiece while I pour him a glass of whiskey. But there are two problems: 1. He was in Wuthering Heights. I h-a-t-e Wuthering Heights. So while everything else may be good, ultimately no amount of scruff can blind me to this red flag that we are not meant to be. 2. Did I mention Chris Pine? Because Chris Pine's blue eyes put protected-due-to-endangered-tropical-fish-and-ancient-shipwrecks Caribbean waters to shame. He is one part boyish charm and two parts grill-master (side note: he actually referred to himself as a grill-master in this movie, which you should know is what my best friend and I call our future husbands and is, thus, cause for it's-a-sign fan flails). His voice not only could ice cupcakes, but it also gave life to Jack Frost in Rise of the Guardians. And most importantly... HELLO, HE IS CAPTAIN KIRK!
So *spoiler alert* there's a scene at the end of the movie where Reese Witherspoon's standing at the edge of an unfinished spaghetti highway with Tom Hardy on one side, Chris Pine on the other, and a terrorist in an SUV bouncing its way toward her. Finally, she has to make a split second decision; a decision that would have taken me said split second at the very beginning. Unfortunately for me, I am Reese Witherspoon, standing at the edge of an unfinished spaghetti highway with Tom Hardy on one side, a terrorist in an SUV bouncing its way toward me, and option c, which looks a lot less like Chris Pine and a lot more like jumping off the side with nothing to catch me. So I can a) dive for Tom Hardy, knowing we can have some sort of happiness if I forget the past, but that we'll never be able to have the life I dreamed of, b) freeze and see what happens, but inevitably get wiped out by a terrorist in a SUV, or c) jump into the unknown where I will either discover I managed to strap on a jet pack that will lead me to Chris Pine or crash and burn, but happily(?) because at least I tried. Or maybe there's an option d that I just don't see right now! ARGH! See? This would all be so much easier if I could just dive for Chris Pine! So right now the scene just looks like me with a ticking time bomb and some really undesirable choices. Or maybe just a bed littered with tissues, half-drunk mugs of tea, chocolate wrappers, and chick-flicks-I-shouldn't-be-reading-into playing like broken records in the background. I ask again... Why can't making life-changing decisions be as easy as choosing Chris Pine?!