Downton Abbey 3x4

Let it be known that it took several tries to write this post as I kept. on. crying...

• False alarm, everyone! Sybil's fine and Branson's beautiful and darling and...! (smelling salts +1)
• Is it just me or does Mary seem rather tight-lipped when Cousin Matthew brings up children? My queen, what is wrong with you?! (brass knuckles +1)

Oh newbie Jimmy. You've still got that poster-child-of-Cheerios look, but I could read you like nutritional facts.

• Listen O'Brien, I don't mind you plotting against Thomas, but not when newbie Jimmy is involved! Because he and I are involved! (brass knuckles +2)
• Apparently Mary is dying to start a family right away! I take it all back, my queen! (smelling salts +2)
• She then proceeds to promise Sybil that she will stick up for Sybil's baby being Catholic. Anything for my our the Irish husband, am I right?! (smelling salts +3)
• HOW IS THIS B-AS-IN-BATHROOM-BREAK BATES PLOT LINE STILL STEAMING ALONG?!?! SUICIDE CONSPIRACY OR NO, I DECLARE THIS SHOULD HAVE TORPEDOED AAAAAAAAAGES AGO! (brass knuckles +3)
• Mrs. Crawley hires Ethel despite her tarnished past. Mehhhhh yayyyy second chances! (smelling salts +4)
• Why does this prison guard even care whether Bates gets out or not? I certainly don't care to having him wasting my time when my Irish husband's baby is on the way! (brass knuckles +4)

You smell like beef and cheese.

• Oh no... Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! The aristocratic hoity-toity Dr. P that Lord G has brought in is the spineless father from North & South! DO! NOT! LIKE! I HATE HIM INSTANTLY! THE VERY SIGHT OF HIM FILLS ME WITH RAGE AND I HAVE A HORRIBLE FEELING! (brass knuckles +5)
• Good news! Anxiety's the only reason Cousin Matthew and Mary haven't had a baby yet! Yayyy!!!! I can marry one of their descendants after all! (smelling salts +5)
• The newspaper's giving Edith a column! Wow. The world is at her fingertips and I really like her right now! (smelling salts +6)

I'd like to reach in and punch her in the face a la YOLO!

• "I'm always a failure in this family." EDITH! Just when you had me! (brass knuckles +6)
• Mrs. Bird's plan to threaten resigning if Ethel's hired totes backfires and she's let go. Ha. Quite the Violet move there, Mrs. Crawley! (smelling salts +7)
• The sweet ginger from War Horse wants to make Ivy's free afternoon his business, which is not only a problem for lovelorn Daisy, but for lovelorn me as well! (brass knuckles +6)
• It's also a problem for Ivy because she's crushing on newbie Jimmy. Honey, get in line! I will take you out with these brass knuckles! (brass knuckles +7)

Dapper Branson! I'm glad he's not my brother-in-law!

• It's sweet that Mary and Edith have a moment with Branson saying they're sorry the baby won't be born in Dublin. But it's even sweeter how he says nothing matters more than golden-hearted Sybil! Ah! My OTP! (smelling salts +8)
• Violet's sleeping over at Downton Abbey since she hates getting news, especially my Irish husband's baby news, second hand! (smelling salts +9)
• Dr. Spineless is getting his panties in a twist about the trusty Dr. C being present. Ugh. (brass knuckles +8)
• Trusty Dr. C's concerned about Sybil... AND I AM IMMEDIATELY PANICKING BECAUSE I TRUST HIM. (brass knuckles +9)
• Violet, unlike Lord G, is quite indifferent to Dr. Spinless' feelings if Sybil's in danger. Quite right! (smelling salts +10)
• The doctors are quarreling and *goes for the throat* THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU, DR. SPINELESS!!!!!!!! (brass knuckles +10)

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

• And CLEARLY trusty Dr. C was right because golden-hearted Sybil is straight up hallucinating that she's on nursing duty. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! (brass knuckles +11)
• Why is it Molesely's business if Ethel was hired? Or Mr. Carson's? And, more importantly, WHY ARE WE NOT WITH GOLDEN-HEARTED SYBIL RIGHT NOW?! (brass knuckles +12)
• THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! Trusty Dr. C says Sybil's suffering from eclampsia and needs to go to the hospital right away. (brass knuckles +12)
• But, of course, Lord G and Dr. Spineless both think they're in charge of the whole situation. GAH! GAH! GAH! (brass knuckles +13)

THROW DR. SPINELESS OVER THE BALCONY!!!!!!!!!!!

• Now everyone's arguing in the hall like mad over what to do. (brass knuckles +14)
• Branson looks and feels so helpless! Irish hubbyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! (brass kncukles +15)
• But then... IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (smelling salts +11)
• AND THEY'RE BOTH FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (smelling salts +12)

Eeeeeeeeedkfjlsfjksldfkjsljfl!!!!!!!!!!!!

• AND THEY'RE HAVING A NEW FAM MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (smelling salts +13)
• Even while they're trying to make golden-hearted Sybil lie down and rest, she is still looking out for Branson. Oh, my fictional BFF! You and your golden heart! I love you so much! (smelling salts +14)
• Thomas is getting a little too friendly with newbie Jimmy. (brass knuckles +16)
• Newbie Jimmy wants Thomas to keep his distance. He's just really concerned about me, ok?! (smelling salts +15)
• WTF! Sybil's having a seizure! (brass knuckles +17)
• Branson's face. I am dead. I am dead inside. (brass knuckles +18)
• Trusty Dr. C was right! It was eclampsia! Of course it was! (brass knuckles +19)
• "Please don't leave me." BRANSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JULIAN FELLOWES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY OTP?!?! (brass knuckles +20)

WORST.

• I'm done. I quit. I quit last century. Golden-hearted Sybil, my favorite character on the entire show, is dead. (brass knuckles +21 x infinity)
• Everyone's in shock downstairs and I officially hate life and will be writing a very STRONGLY WORDED letter to Julian Fellowes. Was there just not enough room for your soul-sucking Bates plot line, sir?!?! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!! (brass knuckles +22)

Even I would hug Thomas right now!

• Even Thomas is crying. Because golden-hearted Sybil is the only person in that house who's ever been genuinely nice to him, who ever genuinely cared what happened to him. Even the most villainous of them all is broken hearted. DAMN IT! (brass knuckles +23)
• I am melting off the couch into a puddle on the floor with Lady G saying goodbye to her baby. (brass knuckles +24)
• Then she tells Mary to ask Lord G to sleep in a different room. I don't blame her. Also, I hate everything. (brass knuckles +25)

Their sisterly dynamic just got dashed to pieces and thrown to basilisks.

• "But since this is the last time we three will be together in this life...." Mary! *SOBBING ALL OVER THE PLACE! IN THE CLOSET! ON THE FLOOR! IN MY HANDS! IN YOUR HANDS! ON THE STREET! BY MY CAR! WITH A STRAY CAT! IN THE SHOWER! IN THE SINK! UNDER MY BED! ON MY BED! INTO MY KEYBOARD! PROJECTING MY CREYES INTO THE SKY SO THEY FALL BACK DOWN ON ME LIKE ACID RAIN!* (brass knuckles +26)
• "... Let's love each other now as sisters should." (smelling salts +16)
• THE LAST THING I COULD CARE ABOUT RIGHT NOW OR EVER AGAIN IS THE FLECKING BATES PLOT LINE!!!!!! I HOPE IT DIES A THOUSAND DEATHS BY MY OWN HAND! (brass knuckles +27)
• Branson saying goodbye to golden-hearted Sybil... me saying goodbye to my OTP and possibly my humanity. (brass knuckles +28)

• Mary's upset that Cousin Matthew and Murray are doing business without Lord G, but he's on my list so, again, WHO CARES?! (brass knuckles +29)
• When Mrs. Hughes says that they will show Branson "we are kind people, Mr. Carson, that's what." (smelling salts +17)
• If only it was physically possible for BATES to get eclampsia!!!!! (brass knuckles +30)
• VIOLET FALTERING A BIT AND CRYING! I'M DONE. I'M DONE FOREVER! (brass knuckles +31)
• Oh... my shattered heart... Lady G leaving to write an apology to trusty Dr. C. (brass knuckles +32)

My babiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiesssssss!!!!!!!!

• *SOBBING THE ATLANTIC OCEAN* BRANSON HOLDING THE BABY AT THE WINDOW ALL BY HIMSELF!!!!!!!! I HATE EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING! EXCEPT THESE TWO! (brass knuckles +33)

So there you have it. Brass knuckles wins by a landslide, 33 to 17. My favorite character has been killed off, leaving my heart and my OTP dead as well. I hate everything. I hate all the things. Of course, what was I thinking? Did I really think I could look into a world where a golden-hearted character who overcomes social barriers and fights for justice and is uncommonly kind to every person she meets is able to thrive and live a fulfilling life with the people she holds most dear? I sure did. From the moment Branson's hand brushed Sybil's in the season one finale, I believed that world was truly possible. But instead, she's given a violent ending where the ones she loves cannot fight for her in the same way she would have fought tooth and nail for them. It's disgusting and disappointing and I don't care if what happened was a real-life scenario! I object to a world where I will be subjected to Thomas and Bates and Ethel getting what they want while my Irish husband Branson tries to mend his broken heart to raise his child alone. I want to rip this script apart with my red pen and demand a second draft because this is not okay.

P.S. Due to recent events and spiraling downward in an out-of-control fashion, I will be getting my act together soon and start blogging about things other than Downton Abbey, because my heart can't take it anymore.