Downton Abbey 3x3

Let's just rip the band-aid and get it over with, shall we?

• Oh boy! Downton Abbey! I can't wait--- arrrghhhhh!!!!!! Starting off the show with B as in bathroom break Bates not getting letters from Anna. *this is my sour unimpressed face* (brass knuckles +1)
• And Anna's had no letters from Bates. We all know this is FALSE, but I'm feeling they're going to drag out this dramaaa for the entire episode. (brass knuckles +2)
• I'm still not over it... Cousin Matthew, it is so sexy how you gave the money to Downton! (smelling salts +1)

It must be such a trail, Edith, to look at Cousin Matthew while you eat breakfast!

• Edith can't have any breakfast in bed, BECAUSE SHE'S SINGLE! Girlfriend does not understand the freedom that is never changing out of your PJs and eating every meal in bed when there's no one around to judge you. (brass knuckles +3)
• Lord G insists on having more of Cousin Matthew's input on the management of the estate. Daw. (smelling salts +2)
• Thomas is mean to the sweet ginger from War Horse. AGAIN. (brass knuckles +4)
• I'm... confused... I hope... I'm confused... Mary... doesn't want to have Cousin Matthew's babies?!?! (brass knuckles +4)
• Violet tells Edith she can't be so desperate as to need to start gardening. "Edith dear, you're a woman with a brain and reasonable ability. Stop whining and find something to do!" You tell her, Vi! (smelling salts +3)

FREE ANNA FROM THIS PLOT LINE!!!!!

• Anna's upset because she really needs to use the bathroom, but Bates won't let her out of this wretched plot line! She doesn't have the luxury of escaping like the rest of us! Gah! This is almost as bad as finding yourself in a bathroom without toilet paper! (brass knuckles +5)
• Bates discovers there's a conspiracy behind all the missing letters. While this is good news, I just... ye of little faith! You truly thought she stopped sending them?!?! (brass knuckles +6)

Give me a second! I'm having a Jack Dawson moment!

• Mr. Carson helps the sweet ginger from War Horse learn the difference between his spoons in the hopes that he can one day become a footman. I'm still not sure I know the difference between all these positions, but I'm excited! Especially when it's rubbed in Thomas' waste-of-space face! (smelling salts +4)
• Ethel wants Mrs. Crawley and Mrs. Hughes to write to her baby daddy's parents to give up the baby... I didn't think it was possible, but we have yet another reason to take a bathroom break! Bates and baby daddies... I'm getting so much exercise this episode! (brass knuckles +7)
• And now we have golden-hearted Sybil and the mysterious case of the cryptic phone calls and star 69 doesn't exist! (brass knuckles +8)

MY HEART IS FAILING! MY HEART IS FAILING!

• BRANSON DARK AND BROODING AT THE DOOR IN THE RAIN!!! (smelling salts +5)
• But he's on the run and Sybil's been left back in Ireland! (brass knuckles +9)
• The police think Branson helped set fire to this aristocratic family's house in Ireland. No!!! (brass knuckles +10)
• Naturally, the whole fam FREAKS. (brass knuckles +11)

QUOI?!

• Apparently Branson was there, but admits he was sorry to see the house burn and the family being treated violently by his fellow republicans. (brass knuckles +12)
• Clearly, Branson's ALL TORN UP over his behavior. Let him be!!! (brass knuckles +13)
• Then he gets to his room and... BRANSON'S CRYING! HAVE MERCY!!!! LET ME LOVE YOUUUU!!!!!! (brass knuckles +14)
• "Is it not enough that we're sheltering a dangerous revolutionary?" Mr. Carson can't even deal with Mrs. Hughes' new toaster. (smelling salts +6)

*FIST-PUMPING* *CONFETTI* *HEART-CLUTCH* *SMELLING SALTS* *CREYES FOR EYES*

• "AH!" *claps hand over mouth* That's the ALL CAPS IMMEDIATE reaction my mom had when newby Jimmy Kent turned all the female servants and audience into pillars of salt! (smelling salts +7)
• Lord G agrees to go see important peeps in London to take care of this Branson and Sybil situation. Phew! (smelling salts +8)
• Ethel's baby daddy's parents go all judgy wudgy was a bear on her standing on street corners. (brass knuckles +15)
• Mary tells Mr. Carson to hire the handsome bloke to cheer all the ladies up a bit. Even though I'm upset that this means the sweet ginger from War Horse won't get a promotion... EYE CANDY CURES SO MANY WRONGS!!!!!!!!! (smelling salts +9)
• Ethel gives up her baby daddy's baby. (brass knuckles +16)
• GOLDEN-HEARTED SYBIL SHOWS UP IN ONE PIECE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (smelling salts +10)

THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• AND SHE AND BRANSON HUG AND MAKE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHDLKFJSLDFKJSLKJL!!!!!!!!!!!! (smelling salts +11)
• The fam scolds Branson again and say no to their baby being born in Dublin. (brass knuckles +17)
• Golden-hearted Sybil sticks up for him... *heart-clutch* (smelling salts +12)
• Daisy asks her father-in-law for permission to go after the sweet ginger from War Horse, because she's finally got some sense. (smelling salts +13)
• Thomas offers his "services" to hottie handsome aka newby Jimmy. HANDS OFF! WE SAW HIM FIRST! (brass knuckles +18)
• Cousin Matthew has found improvements for Downton Abbey. He's my hero. (smelling salts +14)

• Gahhhhh!!!!! Then we get the news that if my Irish husband Branson returns to Ireland, he'll be imprisoned! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! (brass knuckles +19)
• *gasp* Branson is found out for having been present at the meetings plotting the attacks on the Anglo-Irish. Golden-hearted Sybil is not pleased. (brass knuckles +20)
• Daisy's still complaining about not having any extra help in the kitchen. (brass knuckles +21)
• Edith has fi-na-lly done something and written to a newspaper! (smelling salts +15)
• Branson tells Lord G he's grateful to him. Lord G might not believe him, but I certainly do! (smelling salts +16)

Poor Cousin Matthew is only trying to help!

• Whenever Cousin Matthew brings up the management of the estate, Lord G changes the subject. Now Lord G, there's no I in team. (brass knuckles +22)
• At last, B as in bathroom break Bates gets his letters since he's back in favor. (smelling salts +15)
• BRANSON IN PJS! BRANSON IN PJS!!!!!!!!! (smelling salts +17)
• Golden-hearted Sybil takes a stand and says they "need peace and safety." Agreed. (smelling salts +18)

If being single means breakfast with Cousin Matthew AND Branson, then I love being single!!!

• Edith's article on women's rights has been published in the newspaper! Yay! Glad she's finally getting a break. (smelling salts +19)
• While Lord G's a bit outraged, Cousin Matthew and Branson prove to be a supportive brothers-in-law. (smelling salts +20)
• Anna gets her letters too. Thank heavens! This plot line is dead and buried! (smelling salts +21)
• The sweet ginger from War Horse thanks Daisy for sticking up for him. (smelling salts +22)

I'd be mad at you if you weren't! so! SWEET! AND! GINGER!

• But just when she's going to confess her FEELINGS for him, she finally gets the kitchen help she's been asking for... and the sweet ginger from War Horse seems to have an immediate crush. (brass knuckles +23)
• Cousin Matthew goes to Violet about his Lord G co-managing Downton troubles. (smelling salts +23)
• Drat! She says there's not going to be a good way to confront him about it. (brass knuckles +24)
• The episode ends with a Bates/Anna reading-of-the-letters mushy montage and I reeeeeeaallyyyy need the bathroom! (brass knuckles +25)

This. is. history. In a terrible twist, this episode has ended smelling salts' nearly-three-and-a-half-seasons long streak of winning. This is the very first time brass knuckles has ever won! 25 to 23. I'm so sad, I could be stuck in the Bates plot line myself!