ROCKS! THORNS! GLASS!

There's a lovely new pep talk you may have seen floating around the internet lately...

I loved Space Jam too, little man.

The timing of this video's release couldn't have been more perfect. Because two things have been weighing down on my mind lately and they are: my writing & fear. 

NaNoWriMo. Remember that? It feels like a dream now, to be honest. Apart from sprucing up the first chapter of my novel for grad school apps, the rest of it has remained untouched. I've not given it a second glance. Not once. It's just sitting there, stewing in the post-November haze clouding the back of my mind. The reason for this, I tell myself, is that it's my storybook and not the novel that needs my complete attention right now. There are titles to fiddle with, query letters to potential agents to write. But the truth is... I'm terrified. What if it's terrible? What if it's gaping with plot holes? What if it's riddled with embarrassing typos? What if it's gibberish? What if I accidentally included a One Direction lyric? What if this fantasy world isn't believable? What if I've written a heroine you can't root for? What if I can't, in fact, write? What if? What if? What if? 

All too often, I let 'what if' wield power over my life. And once those two little words fly out of someone else's mouth in regards to my writing, my legs buckle under them. Of course I'm scared of failing! Of course I am! I don't like failing. Failing's not my favorite. It's a risky business, going out on a limb and reaching for what you want. But it's when I'm being risky that I feel alive and inspired. That feeling, living, is worth the risk. I have to go for it because I can't not. It's that simple. And maybe I'll fail. There's a huge chance I'll fail! And you can say, "I told you so." But I'll tell you one thing I hope you'll never have the opportunity to say to me: "You never even tried."

So here's to going for it! To being hopeful and starry eyed and dedicated and passionate about who we are and what we do. "You’ve got air comin’ through your nose! You’ve got a heartbeat… that means it’s time to do something!” What's your something going to be?

P.S. I'll be looking at that NaNoWriMo piece soon. I'll let you know how it goes!

Downton Abbey 3x4

Let it be known that it took several tries to write this post as I kept. on. crying...

• False alarm, everyone! Sybil's fine and Branson's beautiful and darling and...! (smelling salts +1)
• Is it just me or does Mary seem rather tight-lipped when Cousin Matthew brings up children? My queen, what is wrong with you?! (brass knuckles +1)

Oh newbie Jimmy. You've still got that poster-child-of-Cheerios look, but I could read you like nutritional facts.

• Listen O'Brien, I don't mind you plotting against Thomas, but not when newbie Jimmy is involved! Because he and I are involved! (brass knuckles +2)
• Apparently Mary is dying to start a family right away! I take it all back, my queen! (smelling salts +2)
• She then proceeds to promise Sybil that she will stick up for Sybil's baby being Catholic. Anything for my our the Irish husband, am I right?! (smelling salts +3)
• HOW IS THIS B-AS-IN-BATHROOM-BREAK BATES PLOT LINE STILL STEAMING ALONG?!?! SUICIDE CONSPIRACY OR NO, I DECLARE THIS SHOULD HAVE TORPEDOED AAAAAAAAAGES AGO! (brass knuckles +3)
• Mrs. Crawley hires Ethel despite her tarnished past. Mehhhhh yayyyy second chances! (smelling salts +4)
• Why does this prison guard even care whether Bates gets out or not? I certainly don't care to having him wasting my time when my Irish husband's baby is on the way! (brass knuckles +4)

Downton Abbey 3x3

Let's just rip the band-aid and get it over with, shall we?

• Oh boy! Downton Abbey! I can't wait--- arrrghhhhh!!!!!! Starting off the show with B as in bathroom break Bates not getting letters from Anna. *this is my sour unimpressed face* (brass knuckles +1)
• And Anna's had no letters from Bates. We all know this is FALSE, but I'm feeling they're going to drag out this dramaaa for the entire episode. (brass knuckles +2)
• I'm still not over it... Cousin Matthew, it is so sexy how you gave the money to Downton! (smelling salts +1)

It must be such a trail, Edith, to look at Cousin Matthew while you eat breakfast!

• Edith can't have any breakfast in bed, BECAUSE SHE'S SINGLE! Girlfriend does not understand the freedom that is never changing out of your PJs and eating every meal in bed when there's no one around to judge you. (brass knuckles +3)
• Lord G insists on having more of Cousin Matthew's input on the management of the estate. Daw. (smelling salts +2)
• Thomas is mean to the sweet ginger from War Horse. AGAIN. (brass knuckles +4)
• I'm... confused... I hope... I'm confused... Mary... doesn't want to have Cousin Matthew's babies?!?! (brass knuckles +4)
• Violet tells Edith she can't be so desperate as to need to start gardening. "Edith dear, you're a woman with a brain and reasonable ability. Stop whining and find something to do!" You tell her, Vi! (smelling salts +3)

Downton Abbey 3x2

First off, I should just say that it's taken a lot for me not to go ahead and start with 100 points for brass knuckles on this episode. I mean... we get to see Edith's wedding, but not golden-hearted Sybil's? Do I need to write the fan-fic myself?!

• We open with Edith delighting in the fact that an event at Downton Abbey is actually revolving around her. UGH. EDITH. Enough with the inferiority complex! (brass knuckles +1)
• Thomas starts stirring trouble for O'Brien by telling the witless Moseley he should contact his relative about applying for her position when it opens up. (brass knuckles +2)
• No, Lord G! You cannot move to Downton Place! (brass knuckles +3)
• Witless Moseley shows us why he's witless by asking Lady G if he can put up his relative's name for O'Brien's soon-to-be-opening position. OF COURSE YOU'VE SPOKEN OUT OF TURN, WITLESS MOSELEY! This character. I'm not usually like this, y'all. I don't even hate the guy. But I'd truly like to tape "kick me" to his back. (brass knuckles +4)

PDA! PDA! PDA!

• Um... Pardonnez-moi, but do you see Sybil and Branson hand-holding in the background during this convo?! (smelling salts +1)
• ENOUGH, COUSIN MATTHEW! (brass knuckles +5)
• Old Man is such a womp womp next to Lord G's already-son-in-laws Cousin Matthew and Branson. Yuck. (brass knuckles +6)
• L-o-v-e how Violet asks if Old Man will be able to keep up with Edith! Listen, I know I'm a little hard on Edith and her Old Man, but I do feel somewhat entirely justified as Violet shares my opinion. (smelling salts +2)

The Lizzie Trap & PROXIMITY

Can I just talk about the most recent episode of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries for a sec? CAN SOMEBODY JUST HOLD ME?! It was only the last episode that we finally met Darcy's little sister Gigi aka insta-fictional-BFF. Despite all of Lizzie's anti-Darcy gusto in the past, Gigi seems to be shipping her with her big brother just like the rest of the fandom. So thank you, Gigi! Thank you for this:

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHDKLFJSLKDFJSLJLSKDJFSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was not prepared! I was not prepared! Sure, it was bound to happen sooner or later given Gigi's entrance into the story, but... AH!

OMG! ZOMG!

As soon as this happened, I was breaking out the smelling salts. Then... wait for it...

There he was! After a seventeen episode hiatus! Hallelujah, the much-missed awkward-turtle-ness has returned! First off, they can barely look at each other at the same time. But in a good way! Particularly Lizzie's up-down at 3:50. That moment just scah-reams that her feelings are "quite the opposite." And the episode was overflowing with my favorite thing... PROXIMITY!

Darcy just kept leaning in closer and closer. But was that line about the hills in the city being unforgiving just to show how similar he and the insta-likable Gigi are or a clue that he watched last week's episode? I don't know, but I like it! They're obviously stiff and uncomfortable, but their eyes are FULL OF SOFTENED FEELINGS! Haha. And then of course...

THE MOST PROXIMITOUS OF ALL THE PROXIMITIES!!!!!

THERE WAS THIS MOMENT! It was over almost before it began, but... AHHHHHHHHHHFDKLFJSLDKFJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not stop squealing! I can't applaud these webisodes enough. Back when they started in April, having the advantage over her of knowing how the story goes, it was easy to dismiss Lizzie's rants about Darcy. But when he finally made an appearance in episode 59, her opinion suddenly made sense. He wasn't insta-likable. And for once I really got a good understanding of Lizzie's frame of mind. This week was episode 78. And it's taken that long for me to warm up to this guy. Just like her! And it's so refreshing to see the way it's played out so far. Tiny moments hinting at a changed opinion stitched together with missed glances and awkward pauses. I love it! I love it! I love it! Can't wait to see more of them together on screen!

Downton Abbey 3x1

With Downton Abbey starting again, I just can't help recapping the episodes like I used to. So here we finally come to the moment we've all been waiting for, Cousin Matthew and Mary's wedding!

• Violet standing up for Branson. Could she be any more perfect? (smelling salts +1)
• IT'S THE SWEET GINGER FROM WAR HORSE! (smelling salts +2)

Whatever you say, Cousin Matthew! YES!

• This honeymoon talk between Mary and Cousin Matthew is spicyyyyy!!!!! (smelling salts +3)
• What?! The money for Downton Abbey is gone? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! (brass knuckles +1)
• Oh here we go. AGAIN. It's Edith and the Old Man! (brass knuckles +2)
• A lesson in the virtues of the English. (smelling salts +4)

name change

New year, new name! I realize that last one didn't last too long, but whenever I looked at it, I felt like I was trying to be something I'm not... organized. Everything from the name to the posts seemed to be wrapped up in a shiny I-know-what-I'm-doing bow and nothing could be farther from the truth. Like Katherine Hepburn said in The Philadelphia Story, "I'm such an unholy mess of a girl." I am the girl who doesn't notice she's wearing mismatched shoes till she's already stepped into the office at work. Well, as Augusten Burroughs said, "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." 

"I'll take it."

I'll still keep you updated on my writing, but I want to introduce more of my favorite things like s'mores, fictional fancies, and fine sets of British cheekbones. So there you have it. Swish! Flick! Boom! It's a new-ish blog!