Matthew & Me

WHEREFORE ART THOU SMELLING SALTS?

While the rest of the world is tucking in with their tea and the season premiere of Downton Abbey, I am at my computer writing this post. Maybe I'm trying to distract myself, occupy my fingers with a keyboard instead of a remote control with which they would surely galavant into dangerous territory. No, I don't mean an accidental binge on reality television. I mean Downton Abbey. A Downton Abbey without golden-hearted Sybil and sans Cousin Matthew. In short: a Downton Abbey with a heaping side of 'no thank you.' 

I mean no disrespect to the show and the characters whose lives have been spared (except you, O'Brien (and you, Thomas (and you, Bates (and you, blonde girl whose name I've forgotten but whose kissing-a-widowed-Branson offenses I shall not overlook (and you, Edith (and you, OH GOSH)))))). I'm a tremendous fan of the show. At least... I was. But since several people have asked me today if I'd be watching, I'd like to call your attention to my reaction to last season's finale: "BUT MARY DOESN'T KNOW. SHE'S JUST COOING OVER HER DREAM-TEAM BABY AND COUSIN MATTHEW IS DEAD IN A DITCH AFTER EVERYTHING AND I AM SO! EFFING! LIVID! I CANNOT! I CANNOT! I HATE YOU, JULIAN FELLOWES! IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (brass knuckles +56)." It is quite possible that I am still suffering from this rage blackout. I grant you, I have a stronger reaction to most when it comes to fictional characters. I have a long line of roommates who have run down the stairs in a frenzy thinking I was being attacked by a burglar when really I was just screeching like a banshee over some character death. 

I also have a history of continuing on with a show after an unpardonable kill-off only to wish I had stopped when a beloved character's heart did too. It's a tricky business when you're cursed in that your favorite characters tend to be the ones doomed to die... I'm looking at you Robin Hood, Merlin, Skins, and yes even right down to you-who-I-didn't-even-like-so-much Camelot. But the biggest offender is Downton Abbey. As I've said before, Sybil was assault enough, but Matthew was just emotional terrorism. And I just can't. I can't see this world without him as anything but a train wreck. Is that lack of imagination or just common sense? I like to pretend season three of Robin Hood never happened. I like to think it all ended just moments before *spoiler alert* Maid Marian took a sword through the heart. I like to live in a world where it's just me and the first two seasons, galavanting around Sherwood Forest, and marinating in Richard Armitage's love potion of a voice. The show without Maid Marian was crippled beyond repair. And the thought of Downton Abbey, once a titan of a show for me, limping along without Cousin Matthew is almost worse than that unprecedented 56th tally mark for brass knuckles in the last episode. I don't want to look at it. I want to look away, preferably in the direction of Hook on Once Upon A Time. Which is funny. Because I hate that show more than I love that show. But I'm still watching. And I love Downton Abbey. But I can't keep watching. Just leave me here at my computer with my tea and Cousin Matthew. Because I'm just going to pretend that last bit never happened. Childish? Maybe. So I'll just quote the flawless Kate Winslet in Finding Neverland to give my argument a bit more oomph and say, "I need to go on pretending."

Will I miss Violet's saucy quotes? Undoubtedly. Am I torn because as a self-professed number one fan of Branson I feel slightly hypocritical for not following his story? Of course. But that doesn't necessarily mean I want to see what happens next. Matthew was not my favorite character, I'll admit. He was, in my mind, however, central to the plot of the entire series from day one. And no matter how much I'm tempted to carry on with my weekly tally of smelling salts vs. brass knuckles, no matter how much I want to be Violet in real life, and no matter how much my heart is aching for the sight of Branson in suspenders... Downton without Cousin Matthew? Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn! Slaaaaaash I can't afford the counseling. 

Are you watching Downton Abbey this season? I'd love to hear your thoughts and FEELINGS!

mardi muse: Arya Stark

Is there anything I love more than a spunky heroine? Ha. Right. In Game of Thrones, Arya Stark has been my favorite female character from the very beginning. She just barely ousts Daenerys for that top spot. Most of the time it looks like they're dead even, but ultimately I pledge allegiance to House Stark. And yes, it's very important that I make decisions like this! Such is my personal stake in fictional worlds. So I was, shall we say, OUTRAGED when Arya failed to make an appearance in last week's season three premiere. But this week the she-wolf returned! There was fist pumping, bouncing up and down, and a whole lot of, "Aryaaaaaaaadjflsfjslkfjskjl!!!!!!!!!!!!" I was just so gosh darn excited to see her again!

I like her even better with her short hair, don't you? (x)

Arya is the business. Arya is not a little lady. Arya is a warrior. She's exactly the kind of heroine I hope to bring to life one day. She blazes through life, fiercely sticking up for her beliefs and her loved ones, speaking her mind, and fighting for her right to be herself. Society doesn't like her preference of sword-fighting over dance lessons? Tough beans, Lannister swine! The girl is just so unapologetic about who she is, you can't help gravitating towards her. You're in her corner right from the start. Separated from her family and running for her life, it's that staunch practice of sticking up for herself that carves out her path to survival on the war-torn road back home.

What I love about her is the balancing act between her relentless nature and her soft side. Her softer side is often masked by almost territorial instincts when it comes to friends and family, but it's always there in a look or gesture. Last season we saw her go through hell and yet she still came out kicking and screaming on the other side. She never gives up. Never! Even when she's been captured and chained outside in the mud and rain, she's still whispering of the names of her enemies over and over every night until she can have her revenge. Experience has made her more callous, but she's as brave and loyal as ever. 

And bonus! She's only entrusted her true identity to Gendry. GENDRY!!! *swoon* As an illegitimate son of the king who's just died, he's on the run too. From the moment they meet, these two share an unspoken bond that you can often catch in a sidelong glance. I realize there's a bit of an age difference, but I can't help it... I ship it so hard, y'all! I ship it so hard!!! Maybe the Baratheon and Stark houses will be united after all!

 

Of course, I have a horrible tendency to fall madly in love with characters who get the axe. And with a show like Game of Thrones where no one is indespensable (Ned!!! *ugly cries*), I live in constant fear for Arya and Gendry. And now that *spoiler alert* the Hound has publicly revealed Arya's identity... OH-MY-GOSH-WATCH-OUT-ARYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM HERE FOR YOU! BUT I WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU! ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TV SCREEN! DOING LIKE YOU DO AND STICKING 'EM WITH THE POINTY END! BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW SITTING HELPLESSLY ON THE COUCH WATCHING THIS CLIFFHANGER NIGHTMARE UNFOLD WOULD BE! THIS! STRESSFUL! *deep breath* But I believe in you. I do. You got it, girl. You do. You are a fearless she-wolf! Swift as a deer! Quiet as a shadow! Fear cuts deeper than swords.

mardi muse: Awkward

Over the weekend, I fell into one of those miry pits of television quicksand you can never spot out before it's too late. You blink and suddenly you've blazed through two seasons in four days. Not that I... speak from experience...

But of course I am! Despite scanning synopses on Forever Young Adult for the past two years without ever having seen an episode and being created by the same people who gave me Teen Wolf i.e. the love child of happy surprise and television quicksand, I didn't realize just how bad I was going to have it with this show. 

How can you even look at Jake with Matty in the backseat?! (x)

However, with a day's worth of distance between us, I've finally determined why it is that I love it so much. I am invested in every. single. character. What a dazzling accomplishment to aspire to! Whether they're in the love triangle limelight, the kooky guidance counselor spreading drunk driving awareness through the halls in a grim reaper costume, or the this-sneer-is-glued-to-my-face cheerleader, I'm rooting for them all. Let me tell you, I watch a lot of shows where I feel like I'm being walloped over the head, being told that I should care about certain characters. A lot. Bonnie in The Vampire Diaries (ok, half the characters on the show), Charming in Once Upon a Time (ok, half the characters on this show too), Mickey in Doctor Who, I could go on. Somehow, even though you're seeing everything through the eyes of the main character Jenna and hearing her inner commentary, Awkward manages to have a hands-off approach when it comes to your FEELINGS. You're left to make your own decisions about them. It's so refreshing! And the verdict? "Four for you, Glen Coco!" Really, y'all. If I could give four holiday grams to each and every character, I would. Ok... make that four thousand for Matty McKibben! Yes, I realize I'm in my twenties. And no, I won't stop doodling his name and mine with a splash of hearts! But really. Watch it. Watch it and then I can give you a classic "You're welcome!" a la villainous cheerleader Sadie.

To Glitz and Grand Staircases

Yesterday, my friends and I curled up with the new and improved Upstairs Downstairs to pass the chilly day. We were in no way trying to replace Downton Abbey as 1) that would be impossible and 2) we are no longer on speaking terms with that show anyway. And while I can't say Upstairs Downstairs stirred up a mind-blowing love affair, it had a certain charm. I love all things WWII era, so it was just my cup of tea. A much needed cup of tea post-Downton trauma. Sure, there was still a death in this series, but since I wasn't half as attached to these characters, I wasn't having an existential crisis before my feet hit the ground this morning. 

Gah! I want to make a life with this dress! (x)

Fashion is undoubtedly one of the biggest reasons why I'm so enamored with this era. Luckily, the costuming for this series was no exception. I kid you not, but the moment Keeley Hawes (love! do yourself a favor and watch her in Under the Greenwood Tree) appeared in her gold sequin dress, we all started SCREAMING! I can't explain it, in fact it seems the very antithesis of my taste, but in the past year I have become obsessed with all things gold and glittery. So when I saw this dress... ZOMG-I-WANT-TO-GET-MARRIED-IN-THAT-DRESS! *grabby hands*

Downton Abbey 3x7

I will not bother with an introduction, because... RAGE BLACKOUT.

• One year later? NOPE. (brass knuckles +1)
• NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who is this she-devil looking at Branson? Hands off! Eyes off! (brass knuckles +2)
• Branson and Sybbie <3 (smelling salts +1)
• So things are still awkward turtle has babies between Thomas and newbie Jimmy. Swell. (brass knuckles +3)

AH!

• I'm feeling a little lotta jipped that we didn't get to see her tell Cousin Matthew, but it's eclipsed by my elation! MARY, MY QUEEN, IS GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (smelling salts +2)
• Eughhhhhhhhhhhhh *head in hands* Edith. Leave your obsession with fixer-upper men in your dreams, sweetheart. (brass knuckles +4)
• Dawwww!!!!! I love seeing Carson get all protective over future-mother Mary! (smelling salts +3)

Downton Abbey 3x6

Last night I steeled myself up for not one, but two hours of Downton Abbey. The crazed excitement this would have induced "back in the day" died right alongside my fictional BFF golden-hearted Sybil a few weeks ago. So I was looking forward to it with the same amount of enthusiasm I reserve for 120 minutes straight on the Tower of Terror. There's a certain thrill in it, perhaps, but mostly you can't feel your heart in your chest as you plunge to certain death/really unfortunate photo ops/peeing of the pants. Such was the grimace on my face as I turned to go downstairs to watch it that my insightful and oh-so-darling-that-she-makes-me-tea-and-heats-up-a-scone-for-me-as-there-are-no-commercial-breaks roommate remarked that the writer, Julian Fellowes, is lucky that I have nine lives. Ugh! It's so true. I've fallen prey to his pen's outbursts of emotional slaughter so many times this season, it's practically a miracle of science that I'm still breathing. Sure, no one died in last night's episode, but somehow I still managed to lose another life! This might not have been the case had it only been one hour, but Julian Fellowes, clearly a dog-only lover as the yellow Lab on this show never seems to age, obviously has something against cat-like human beings like myself!

• Not agaaaaaaaaaaaain!!!!!!!!!! Is this episode going to be B-as-in-bathroom-break Bates-centric? (brass knuckles +1)

"Now that you're back, I can develop as a character!"

• At last, he's reunited with Anna. Phew! IT'S OVERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! (smelling salts +1)
• Hooray! Edith's going to London to make something of herself! (smelling salts +2)
• Party pooper Lord G doesn't want Cousin Matthew encouraging her. (brass knuckles +2)
• THERE WILL BE NO CUTTING OR RUNNING, IRISH HUBBY!!!!! (brass knuckles +3)
• Dare I dream?! They're potentially firing Thomas upon Bates' return?!?!?! (smelling salts +3)
• Ivy agrees to go to the movies with the sweet ginger from War Horse and BLAH. (brass knuckles +4)
• Cousin Matthew's fighting the hard fight to make Downton self sustainable. Ugh. Cousin Matthew. You sustain my self. (smelling salts +4)

Downton Abbey 3x5

Sad but true. After the horrors they pulled last week, I just want to rip the bandaid off and get this over with.

• Oh by all means... let's start with people leaving golden-hearted Sybil's funeral to really redeem yourself! (brass knuckles +1)

Euuuughhhhhahhhhhh!!!!!!! I AM DEAD INSIDE!

• Branson's blank face... Branson's blank face... Branson's blank face... (brass knuckles +2)
• And then saying he's past help when Cousin Matthew offers to do whatever he can! (brass knuckles +3)
• Lady G's still giving Lord G the cold shoulder. I don't blame her, but it still makes me depressed. (brass knuckles +4)
• The only faint glimmer of a silver lining is that, at least, Violet and Mrs. Crawley are being friendly. (smelling salts +1)
• BRANSON'S DEAD FACE AGAIN. I CAN'T. I CAN'T. (brass knuckles +5)

Downton Abbey 3x4

Let it be known that it took several tries to write this post as I kept. on. crying...

• False alarm, everyone! Sybil's fine and Branson's beautiful and darling and...! (smelling salts +1)
• Is it just me or does Mary seem rather tight-lipped when Cousin Matthew brings up children? My queen, what is wrong with you?! (brass knuckles +1)

Oh newbie Jimmy. You've still got that poster-child-of-Cheerios look, but I could read you like nutritional facts.

• Listen O'Brien, I don't mind you plotting against Thomas, but not when newbie Jimmy is involved! Because he and I are involved! (brass knuckles +2)
• Apparently Mary is dying to start a family right away! I take it all back, my queen! (smelling salts +2)
• She then proceeds to promise Sybil that she will stick up for Sybil's baby being Catholic. Anything for my our the Irish husband, am I right?! (smelling salts +3)
• HOW IS THIS B-AS-IN-BATHROOM-BREAK BATES PLOT LINE STILL STEAMING ALONG?!?! SUICIDE CONSPIRACY OR NO, I DECLARE THIS SHOULD HAVE TORPEDOED AAAAAAAAAGES AGO! (brass knuckles +3)
• Mrs. Crawley hires Ethel despite her tarnished past. Mehhhhh yayyyy second chances! (smelling salts +4)
• Why does this prison guard even care whether Bates gets out or not? I certainly don't care to having him wasting my time when my Irish husband's baby is on the way! (brass knuckles +4)

Downton Abbey 3x3

Let's just rip the band-aid and get it over with, shall we?

• Oh boy! Downton Abbey! I can't wait--- arrrghhhhh!!!!!! Starting off the show with B as in bathroom break Bates not getting letters from Anna. *this is my sour unimpressed face* (brass knuckles +1)
• And Anna's had no letters from Bates. We all know this is FALSE, but I'm feeling they're going to drag out this dramaaa for the entire episode. (brass knuckles +2)
• I'm still not over it... Cousin Matthew, it is so sexy how you gave the money to Downton! (smelling salts +1)

It must be such a trail, Edith, to look at Cousin Matthew while you eat breakfast!

• Edith can't have any breakfast in bed, BECAUSE SHE'S SINGLE! Girlfriend does not understand the freedom that is never changing out of your PJs and eating every meal in bed when there's no one around to judge you. (brass knuckles +3)
• Lord G insists on having more of Cousin Matthew's input on the management of the estate. Daw. (smelling salts +2)
• Thomas is mean to the sweet ginger from War Horse. AGAIN. (brass knuckles +4)
• I'm... confused... I hope... I'm confused... Mary... doesn't want to have Cousin Matthew's babies?!?! (brass knuckles +4)
• Violet tells Edith she can't be so desperate as to need to start gardening. "Edith dear, you're a woman with a brain and reasonable ability. Stop whining and find something to do!" You tell her, Vi! (smelling salts +3)

Downton Abbey 3x2

First off, I should just say that it's taken a lot for me not to go ahead and start with 100 points for brass knuckles on this episode. I mean... we get to see Edith's wedding, but not golden-hearted Sybil's? Do I need to write the fan-fic myself?!

• We open with Edith delighting in the fact that an event at Downton Abbey is actually revolving around her. UGH. EDITH. Enough with the inferiority complex! (brass knuckles +1)
• Thomas starts stirring trouble for O'Brien by telling the witless Moseley he should contact his relative about applying for her position when it opens up. (brass knuckles +2)
• No, Lord G! You cannot move to Downton Place! (brass knuckles +3)
• Witless Moseley shows us why he's witless by asking Lady G if he can put up his relative's name for O'Brien's soon-to-be-opening position. OF COURSE YOU'VE SPOKEN OUT OF TURN, WITLESS MOSELEY! This character. I'm not usually like this, y'all. I don't even hate the guy. But I'd truly like to tape "kick me" to his back. (brass knuckles +4)

PDA! PDA! PDA!

• Um... Pardonnez-moi, but do you see Sybil and Branson hand-holding in the background during this convo?! (smelling salts +1)
• ENOUGH, COUSIN MATTHEW! (brass knuckles +5)
• Old Man is such a womp womp next to Lord G's already-son-in-laws Cousin Matthew and Branson. Yuck. (brass knuckles +6)
• L-o-v-e how Violet asks if Old Man will be able to keep up with Edith! Listen, I know I'm a little hard on Edith and her Old Man, but I do feel somewhat entirely justified as Violet shares my opinion. (smelling salts +2)

Downton Abbey 3x1

With Downton Abbey starting again, I just can't help recapping the episodes like I used to. So here we finally come to the moment we've all been waiting for, Cousin Matthew and Mary's wedding!

• Violet standing up for Branson. Could she be any more perfect? (smelling salts +1)
• IT'S THE SWEET GINGER FROM WAR HORSE! (smelling salts +2)

Whatever you say, Cousin Matthew! YES!

• This honeymoon talk between Mary and Cousin Matthew is spicyyyyy!!!!! (smelling salts +3)
• What?! The money for Downton Abbey is gone? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! (brass knuckles +1)
• Oh here we go. AGAIN. It's Edith and the Old Man! (brass knuckles +2)
• A lesson in the virtues of the English. (smelling salts +4)

pass the mead

I AM DEAD INSIDE.

It's the kind of day where I could punch even Tom Hiddleston in the face. Everything is going wrong. Everything. But mostly, it was waking up to the news that this was going to be the final season of Merlin. I can't even... begin to... express... MY FEELINGS!!!!!!! I realize this is a TV show, but this is me and I'm devastated. Yes, I have watched to the interview with Colin Morgan (COLIN MORGANNNNNNN) assuring me that everything comes to its natural conclusion in season five, but... 

Confessions:

1. I actually started crying on the drive to work this morning. I could partly blame this on leaving home and the wave of emotion I'm feeling as NaNoWriMo tightens its grip (seriously, I am emotional enough with this alone right now), but... I just love this show. So much! I'm absolutely heartbroken.

My boyyyyyyys!!!!

2. I started watching Merlin when I was living in the bomb shelter in the middle of nowhere France. It was the darkest period of my entire life (and thus major inspiration for all of B's trials in my NaNoWriMo novel). I can't remember ever being so miserable or alone; honestly, it's something I try not to think about most of the time. At least the living in the bomb shelter bit. But in the seven solitary months I spent there, I became, I'll admit, irrationally attached to fictional characters. The first of these were the cast of Merlin. Somehow watching their struggles with magical beings, war-mongering kingdoms, and even each other gave me a sense of solidarity. But not only that, they gave me something to laugh about. It's not always the most serious interpretation of Arthurian legend, but it's certainly the most relatable. I laughed out loud every episode, cried here and there, swooned like mad... Nothing I say could ever do this series justice.

What am I supposed to do without my one and only knight in shining armor?!?!

3. I fell so hard for this show that I visited the set while they were filming season three. Once I found out some of it was filmed in France, that was it. Getting there in itself was a journey of epic proportions; it was nearly as difficult to get to as the bomb shelter itself. Seeing Pierrefonds, seeing Colin Morgan/Merlin's cheekbones up close and Bradley James/Arthur in his chainmail, made it all so real for me. It was magical and personal and finally put fiction where it belongs for me-in reality. 

I will miss your cheekbones and everything attached to them.

4. The flowy red capes I'm always pulling out smelling salts for on this show are so near and dear to me that when it came time to pick a color for the capes worn by the army in my own story... well... there was only one way to go!

5. Merlin/Arthur is the reason I love bromance. It is bromance at its finest. Period. Moments like this were always my favorite:

Honestly, I feel like something has died. I'm so sad, but so in awe of everything this show has accomplished. Thank you, Merlin, for five wonderful years of magic, courage, loyalty, adventure, knightly bromance, flowy red capes, dramatic slow-mo sequences, and chainmail. I will never forget you and your flawlessness. Or the chainmail. Leave me if you must, but I will never leave this round table.