Matthew & Me

WHEREFORE ART THOU SMELLING SALTS?

While the rest of the world is tucking in with their tea and the season premiere of Downton Abbey, I am at my computer writing this post. Maybe I'm trying to distract myself, occupy my fingers with a keyboard instead of a remote control with which they would surely galavant into dangerous territory. No, I don't mean an accidental binge on reality television. I mean Downton Abbey. A Downton Abbey without golden-hearted Sybil and sans Cousin Matthew. In short: a Downton Abbey with a heaping side of 'no thank you.' 

I mean no disrespect to the show and the characters whose lives have been spared (except you, O'Brien (and you, Thomas (and you, Bates (and you, blonde girl whose name I've forgotten but whose kissing-a-widowed-Branson offenses I shall not overlook (and you, Edith (and you, OH GOSH)))))). I'm a tremendous fan of the show. At least... I was. But since several people have asked me today if I'd be watching, I'd like to call your attention to my reaction to last season's finale: "BUT MARY DOESN'T KNOW. SHE'S JUST COOING OVER HER DREAM-TEAM BABY AND COUSIN MATTHEW IS DEAD IN A DITCH AFTER EVERYTHING AND I AM SO! EFFING! LIVID! I CANNOT! I CANNOT! I HATE YOU, JULIAN FELLOWES! IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (brass knuckles +56)." It is quite possible that I am still suffering from this rage blackout. I grant you, I have a stronger reaction to most when it comes to fictional characters. I have a long line of roommates who have run down the stairs in a frenzy thinking I was being attacked by a burglar when really I was just screeching like a banshee over some character death. 

I also have a history of continuing on with a show after an unpardonable kill-off only to wish I had stopped when a beloved character's heart did too. It's a tricky business when you're cursed in that your favorite characters tend to be the ones doomed to die... I'm looking at you Robin Hood, Merlin, Skins, and yes even right down to you-who-I-didn't-even-like-so-much Camelot. But the biggest offender is Downton Abbey. As I've said before, Sybil was assault enough, but Matthew was just emotional terrorism. And I just can't. I can't see this world without him as anything but a train wreck. Is that lack of imagination or just common sense? I like to pretend season three of Robin Hood never happened. I like to think it all ended just moments before *spoiler alert* Maid Marian took a sword through the heart. I like to live in a world where it's just me and the first two seasons, galavanting around Sherwood Forest, and marinating in Richard Armitage's love potion of a voice. The show without Maid Marian was crippled beyond repair. And the thought of Downton Abbey, once a titan of a show for me, limping along without Cousin Matthew is almost worse than that unprecedented 56th tally mark for brass knuckles in the last episode. I don't want to look at it. I want to look away, preferably in the direction of Hook on Once Upon A Time. Which is funny. Because I hate that show more than I love that show. But I'm still watching. And I love Downton Abbey. But I can't keep watching. Just leave me here at my computer with my tea and Cousin Matthew. Because I'm just going to pretend that last bit never happened. Childish? Maybe. So I'll just quote the flawless Kate Winslet in Finding Neverland to give my argument a bit more oomph and say, "I need to go on pretending."

Will I miss Violet's saucy quotes? Undoubtedly. Am I torn because as a self-professed number one fan of Branson I feel slightly hypocritical for not following his story? Of course. But that doesn't necessarily mean I want to see what happens next. Matthew was not my favorite character, I'll admit. He was, in my mind, however, central to the plot of the entire series from day one. And no matter how much I'm tempted to carry on with my weekly tally of smelling salts vs. brass knuckles, no matter how much I want to be Violet in real life, and no matter how much my heart is aching for the sight of Branson in suspenders... Downton without Cousin Matthew? Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn! Slaaaaaash I can't afford the counseling. 

Are you watching Downton Abbey this season? I'd love to hear your thoughts and FEELINGS!

mardi muse: Jack Frost

You know, I really ought to start going to the movies by myself more often. All too often I invite someone to the movies and they say, "But that's a kid's movie!" As if that's a bad thing! Please. Long story short, I've been waiting far too long to see Rise of the Guardians. The wait was finally over this past weekend when it hit Redbox and oh! Jiminy! Christmas!!!!!

*pinching his cheeks*

I-AM-SO-IN-LOVE-WITH-JACK-FROST-IT-IS-NOT-EVEN-FUNNY-ZOMG-WHAT-IS-HAPPENING-TO-MEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!?! Ok... so... there were a lot of things I loved about this movie. The flawless plot, the flawless villain, the flawless voice casting, the flawless score, the flawless character development, but mostly... the flawless Jack Frost. I can't remember the last time I rooted so hard for a character. Likeable and mischievous from the moment you meet him, you'll be a goner. If I had a penny for every time I heart-clutched, I'd have a lot of pennies! Obviously any character voiced by Chris Pine is going to have an unfair advantage when it comes to winning me over. Newsflash: my jeep's not named Captain Kirk for nothin'! But aside from the voice and my bizarre magnetism to them in general (please, no questions, let me melt between the cushions of my couch in gooey-hearted peace), that Peter Pan like air, and the unfairly cute smirks that leave you questioning your sanity as you pine for an animated character (whatever, I know you have *cough* Flynn! Dimitri! Howl! *cough*), he was just a great character! Because of reasons!

1. I love a character whose struggle is laid out within the first five minutes. And bonus! We all know the name Jack Frost and that he nips at our noses, but not really the story behind it. So when presented on a silver platter, or drowning in an icy river, rather... *grabby hands*
2. He has an affinity for the moon and it's integral to his story. I love this. Because in case you haven't noticed, I happen to have a thing about the moon too!
3. This kid's got some complex relationships going on. Not all acquaintances are created equal. Despite being on the same side as both of them, one minute he's acting chummy with the Sandman and the next he's calling Bunny the Easter Kangaroo. On top of everything he's always looking out for Baby Tooth, which is just plain adorable.
4. The fact that his struggle lines up so much with the villain's makes his plight that much more interesting.
5. That casual carefree way about him juxtaposed against being deliberate about his actions, his personality permeated everything.
6. His back story! His back story! His frigglidy-gigglidden back story!
7. Alright, I've held it off as long as humanly possible... WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT PERFECT SNOW ANGEL?!

And he has really cool toys!

Jack's story was magical and fresh and I absolutely lah-ha-oved every minute of it. I'm locking him up in my heart and throwing away the key! Not in a questionable there's-a-mad-woman-in-my-attic Victorian way, but... Obsession makes me inarticulate! You know what I'm saying. Forever inspired now that I see you, Jack Frost. I believe! I believe! Here's hoping one not-so-faraway day I'll be able to fashion a character as wonderful as he!

Hold My Hand Because I Might Disappear

"Wow! Oh wow!" It's not often that I have this reaction to the ending of a book, much less say it out loud. Despite the whole of Jellicoe Road, especially the final page, being full of sad, I actually squealed. How I didn't burst into tears is kind of miraculous. And how Melina Marchetta was able to weave together two separate tales so seamlessly is just plain magical. But more than just the stories, it was the weaving together of pure joy and unadulterated grief that was even more astounding. And, of course, it reads like an absolute dream:

I remember love. It's what I have to keep reminding myself. It's funny how you can forget everything except people loving you. Maybe that's why humans find it so hard getting over love affairs. It's not the pain they're getting over, it's the love.

Numerous love stories are scattered throughout the book. And I love that. Sometimes I feel like secondary characters are shoved into muted lifestyles where they're exempt from romantic or meaningful relationships, because it will somehow shadow or take away from the main character's experience. I'm always wanting more relationships whether it's on the main stage or in aisles or tucked away in the foyer. I like knowing that love is flourishing all around in all it's forms. So with all these characters feeling deeply, this was a true delight.

That being said, I need to just take a moment and... Jonah Griggs! AHHHHHDFJLSDFSK JONAH GRIGGS!!!!!!! Bookmark him as your next fictional boyfriend, ladies. He comes into the scene so tough and prickly, but his transformation in Taylor's eyes is dazzling. He's there for her in a way that no one else can be, with his past peering around every corner just like hers. Their chemistry is magnetic and consuming, their first kiss is the best! thing! ever!, but romance takes a back seat to their journey. It's so refreshing. And he's so... mmph! I can't even tell you! I don't want to spoil the kiss by quoting it here, so instead I'll just share one little moment I loved. It's as simple as Jonah ordering Taylor's breakfast when she's too overwhelmed to speak. White toast with marmalade and hot chocolate. He doesn't need to ask her what she wants. He just knows. It was just the sweetest! So sweet that I got a craving for the exact same thing and promptly pulled on my running shoes to dash down to the corner store to pick up a jar of marmalade.

Attempting to cure my book hangover with toast and marmalade, hot chocolate, and Jane Eyre.

Today we had a snow day sans actual snow. So while it was sleeting nonstop, I was curled up with characters like Taylor Markham and Jonah Griggs, Webb, Fitz, Tate, Narnie, and Jude. Characters so alive that you feel like if you were to reach your hand under the table, they'd interlace their fingers with yours just to say, 'I'm here. I've got you.' What separates this story, a mysterious tale of love and redemption, past, present, and future is something quite extraordinary, I think. For the past two years I've been keeping a record of every book I've read and written a little blurb about what I thought. After staring at the page for a while, the explanation for my reaction to this book was simple, but big. "This book has a soul." I, for one, can't think of a better kind of novel to pass a non-snow day with.

Read it. Maybe invest in some marmalade first. But read it.

Warm Bodies & That Ever Elusive Book Hangover

It's an unfortunate truth that books that leave you face to face with an oh-gosh-what-will-I-do-now black hole upon turning their final page are few and far between. Last year I read 34 books, which is pretty good for me considering I'm such... a slow... rea... der... Sadly, only three of these books left me with a book hangover. You know the feeling; it's what you always hope will happen at the end of any book you pick up. Even if the story concludes beautifully, you stare down at the pages a bit shell shocked. How could you possibly read anything after this? How will you survive without the constant company of these characters you grew to love so much? How will you ever pick up a pen again? This, quite unexpectedly, is what happened when I finished Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion last week.

Honestly. Who knew? As someone who has repeatedly professed their aversion to zombies (you know, because it's very important to have strong opinions regarding fictitious beings), it's a miracle that I sought out this book. But I was curious and thank goodness for that!

Purchase here.

Two lines. The two opening lines. "I am dead, but it's not so bad. I've learned to live with it." That was all it took. I was hooked. What's more, I had a sneaking suspicion that I was going to fall madly in love with it. Despite the main character R being rather slow to talk as a zombie, his thoughts are beautifully stitched together. "I long for exclamation marks, but I'm drowning in ellipses." R has such a clear strong voice from the very start and you can't help pressing your hand to your heart as he stumbles through sentences and his very existence.

Enter Julie, a scrappy teenager sent out from the safe confines of a nearby stadium on a mission to find medical supplies. The search is interrupted by a band of hungry zombies, R included. R promptly kills her boyfriend, but when he eats his brains, he relives a few brief moments of Perry's life. More specifically, moments spent with Julie. So when R comes to and finds himself face to face with this girl, he spares her and brings her to live with the zombies at the abandoned airport. There, not only does he begin to feel, but he begins to change. He wants to change. 

My reflex is to shrug. The shrug has been my default response for so long. But as I lie there on the floor with her worried eyes looking down at me, I remember the feeling that jolted through me the moment I woke up yesterday, that feeling of No! and Yes! That feeling of anti-shrug.

And so, because he wants to change, he does. He finds a way to communicate, piecing together lyrics of Sinatra songs on a salvaged record player, and something to fight for i.e. protecting Julie. And, just give me a moment, because I just loved all the Sinatra references:

Yes, she knows what I am and what I do, but do I have to remind her? Can we just have a nice drive and forget certain things for a while? In the sunny fields of my imagination we are not a teenager and a walking corpse driving in a rainstorm. We are Frank and Ava cruising treelined country lanes while a scratchy vinyl orchestra swoons our soundtrack.

Not only was this story a refreshing take on Romeo and Juliet, it was refreshing period. I can't remember the last time I was so fascinated by a character. I found myself ogling at R and whispering, "What are you?" just like Julie. He made for such a surprising hero. He wants the world to change, so he starts the change within himself. It's heartfelt, broken, laugh-out-loud funny, risky, unique, and it had me wrapped around its pretty little finger from start to finish. And when I finished... it's embarrassing to type out loud, but I must have hugged it to my chest for a solid half hour. I then immediately went to Amazon and ordered a copy to keep forever, because I can't call my collection complete without it. Read it! Read it! Read it!

But now that it's over... No other book seems to stick! I haven't had a book hangover this bad in ages. Any recommendations?

(x)

P.S. I can't wait to see the film and truly believe Nicholas Hoult is the absolute perfect choice for R!

The Lizzie Trap & PROXIMITY

Can I just talk about the most recent episode of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries for a sec? CAN SOMEBODY JUST HOLD ME?! It was only the last episode that we finally met Darcy's little sister Gigi aka insta-fictional-BFF. Despite all of Lizzie's anti-Darcy gusto in the past, Gigi seems to be shipping her with her big brother just like the rest of the fandom. So thank you, Gigi! Thank you for this:

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHDKLFJSLKDFJSLJLSKDJFSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was not prepared! I was not prepared! Sure, it was bound to happen sooner or later given Gigi's entrance into the story, but... AH!

OMG! ZOMG!

As soon as this happened, I was breaking out the smelling salts. Then... wait for it...

There he was! After a seventeen episode hiatus! Hallelujah, the much-missed awkward-turtle-ness has returned! First off, they can barely look at each other at the same time. But in a good way! Particularly Lizzie's up-down at 3:50. That moment just scah-reams that her feelings are "quite the opposite." And the episode was overflowing with my favorite thing... PROXIMITY!

Darcy just kept leaning in closer and closer. But was that line about the hills in the city being unforgiving just to show how similar he and the insta-likable Gigi are or a clue that he watched last week's episode? I don't know, but I like it! They're obviously stiff and uncomfortable, but their eyes are FULL OF SOFTENED FEELINGS! Haha. And then of course...

THE MOST PROXIMITOUS OF ALL THE PROXIMITIES!!!!!

THERE WAS THIS MOMENT! It was over almost before it began, but... AHHHHHHHHHHFDKLFJSLDKFJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not stop squealing! I can't applaud these webisodes enough. Back when they started in April, having the advantage over her of knowing how the story goes, it was easy to dismiss Lizzie's rants about Darcy. But when he finally made an appearance in episode 59, her opinion suddenly made sense. He wasn't insta-likable. And for once I really got a good understanding of Lizzie's frame of mind. This week was episode 78. And it's taken that long for me to warm up to this guy. Just like her! And it's so refreshing to see the way it's played out so far. Tiny moments hinting at a changed opinion stitched together with missed glances and awkward pauses. I love it! I love it! I love it! Can't wait to see more of them together on screen!

Have I told you lately I met Rawrmy?

"P-racticality d-oesn't interest me! Love the life that I lead!" I've been keeping this to myself because for a long time I wasn't sure it was going to happen, but... I met Richard Armitage. I repeat: I met RICHARD. ARMITAGE. He gives me ALL THE ALL CAPS FEELINGS. His gravelly voice is what crème brûlée would sound like if it could speak to me. Mmm... Voices are my favorite and his is my absolute favorite! Naturally I want him to narrate the audio books of my stories one day... and possibly hand me my cup of coffee every morning with a sly, "Your bed-head has never looked better," but one thing at a time. Anyway, I took a whirlwind trip to NYC for the grand event. I had just met Andy Serkis, the genius behind Gollum who was so gracious and who I was able to string coherent thoughts together for, when this happened:

To think I went without smelling salts!

When he made his slow-mo exit from the building (haha... but really) all I could think was "RICHARD ARMITAGE" and "PROXIMITY" aka two of my favorite things. To say I spoke to him like someone who had just been hit with a tranquilizer dart would be a gross understatement. But to see him and hear him up close, someone who has captured my imagination with so many memorable characters on screen, was the perfect post-NaNoWriMo treat. He has this ability to focus in on you despite all the surrounding chaos that makes you a little weak in the knees. So naturally, I was super dignified while gazing at his lips and having an An Affair to Remember "all I could say was hello" type moment (though I was more like this in my head). Look! I'm actually blushing on camera! Oh my. This man. This man! So charming, so lovely, so gracious... Mariah, Caroline, and I were all a bit bewitched, bothered, and bewildered afterward. So looking forward to seeing him (and hearing him siiiiiiiing) in The Hobbit and all of the much-deserved success that follows.

As if this book wasn't special enough...

We spent a wonderful day in magical New York City, though stunned speechless the second half. But we livened up a bit in the One Direction pop-up store where we took our roles as the oldest people in there very seriously. We were the very definition of dignified and there was no singing or dancing to speak of... *cough*

Because Louis is the BEST!

This Friday you can see Richard Armitage along with Andy Serkis, Martin Freeman, and Sir Ian McKellen on Anderson Live where you just might see a camera lens crack when Rawrmy walks into the room, because I'm screaming so loud. Just a lucky guess... Can I  squee one last time? I heard this voice! IN PERSON! *swoon*

pass the mead

I AM DEAD INSIDE.

It's the kind of day where I could punch even Tom Hiddleston in the face. Everything is going wrong. Everything. But mostly, it was waking up to the news that this was going to be the final season of Merlin. I can't even... begin to... express... MY FEELINGS!!!!!!! I realize this is a TV show, but this is me and I'm devastated. Yes, I have watched to the interview with Colin Morgan (COLIN MORGANNNNNNN) assuring me that everything comes to its natural conclusion in season five, but... 

Confessions:

1. I actually started crying on the drive to work this morning. I could partly blame this on leaving home and the wave of emotion I'm feeling as NaNoWriMo tightens its grip (seriously, I am emotional enough with this alone right now), but... I just love this show. So much! I'm absolutely heartbroken.

My boyyyyyyys!!!!

2. I started watching Merlin when I was living in the bomb shelter in the middle of nowhere France. It was the darkest period of my entire life (and thus major inspiration for all of B's trials in my NaNoWriMo novel). I can't remember ever being so miserable or alone; honestly, it's something I try not to think about most of the time. At least the living in the bomb shelter bit. But in the seven solitary months I spent there, I became, I'll admit, irrationally attached to fictional characters. The first of these were the cast of Merlin. Somehow watching their struggles with magical beings, war-mongering kingdoms, and even each other gave me a sense of solidarity. But not only that, they gave me something to laugh about. It's not always the most serious interpretation of Arthurian legend, but it's certainly the most relatable. I laughed out loud every episode, cried here and there, swooned like mad... Nothing I say could ever do this series justice.

What am I supposed to do without my one and only knight in shining armor?!?!

3. I fell so hard for this show that I visited the set while they were filming season three. Once I found out some of it was filmed in France, that was it. Getting there in itself was a journey of epic proportions; it was nearly as difficult to get to as the bomb shelter itself. Seeing Pierrefonds, seeing Colin Morgan/Merlin's cheekbones up close and Bradley James/Arthur in his chainmail, made it all so real for me. It was magical and personal and finally put fiction where it belongs for me-in reality. 

I will miss your cheekbones and everything attached to them.

4. The flowy red capes I'm always pulling out smelling salts for on this show are so near and dear to me that when it came time to pick a color for the capes worn by the army in my own story... well... there was only one way to go!

5. Merlin/Arthur is the reason I love bromance. It is bromance at its finest. Period. Moments like this were always my favorite:

Honestly, I feel like something has died. I'm so sad, but so in awe of everything this show has accomplished. Thank you, Merlin, for five wonderful years of magic, courage, loyalty, adventure, knightly bromance, flowy red capes, dramatic slow-mo sequences, and chainmail. I will never forget you and your flawlessness. Or the chainmail. Leave me if you must, but I will never leave this round table.