pass the mead

I AM DEAD INSIDE.

It's the kind of day where I could punch even Tom Hiddleston in the face. Everything is going wrong. Everything. But mostly, it was waking up to the news that this was going to be the final season of Merlin. I can't even... begin to... express... MY FEELINGS!!!!!!! I realize this is a TV show, but this is me and I'm devastated. Yes, I have watched to the interview with Colin Morgan (COLIN MORGANNNNNNN) assuring me that everything comes to its natural conclusion in season five, but... 

Confessions:

1. I actually started crying on the drive to work this morning. I could partly blame this on leaving home and the wave of emotion I'm feeling as NaNoWriMo tightens its grip (seriously, I am emotional enough with this alone right now), but... I just love this show. So much! I'm absolutely heartbroken.

My boyyyyyyys!!!!

2. I started watching Merlin when I was living in the bomb shelter in the middle of nowhere France. It was the darkest period of my entire life (and thus major inspiration for all of B's trials in my NaNoWriMo novel). I can't remember ever being so miserable or alone; honestly, it's something I try not to think about most of the time. At least the living in the bomb shelter bit. But in the seven solitary months I spent there, I became, I'll admit, irrationally attached to fictional characters. The first of these were the cast of Merlin. Somehow watching their struggles with magical beings, war-mongering kingdoms, and even each other gave me a sense of solidarity. But not only that, they gave me something to laugh about. It's not always the most serious interpretation of Arthurian legend, but it's certainly the most relatable. I laughed out loud every episode, cried here and there, swooned like mad... Nothing I say could ever do this series justice.

What am I supposed to do without my one and only knight in shining armor?!?!

3. I fell so hard for this show that I visited the set while they were filming season three. Once I found out some of it was filmed in France, that was it. Getting there in itself was a journey of epic proportions; it was nearly as difficult to get to as the bomb shelter itself. Seeing Pierrefonds, seeing Colin Morgan/Merlin's cheekbones up close and Bradley James/Arthur in his chainmail, made it all so real for me. It was magical and personal and finally put fiction where it belongs for me-in reality. 

I will miss your cheekbones and everything attached to them.

4. The flowy red capes I'm always pulling out smelling salts for on this show are so near and dear to me that when it came time to pick a color for the capes worn by the army in my own story... well... there was only one way to go!

5. Merlin/Arthur is the reason I love bromance. It is bromance at its finest. Period. Moments like this were always my favorite:

Honestly, I feel like something has died. I'm so sad, but so in awe of everything this show has accomplished. Thank you, Merlin, for five wonderful years of magic, courage, loyalty, adventure, knightly bromance, flowy red capes, dramatic slow-mo sequences, and chainmail. I will never forget you and your flawlessness. Or the chainmail. Leave me if you must, but I will never leave this round table.